When I was younger, my sister used to work for the local music store which was owned by an incredibly talented musician. He had taught and preformed for years, gaining a lot of respect in the professional community. And now he ran the only music store in town. I remember watching him get so bogged down the matters of running the business - paperwork, inventory, payroll, building maintenance - that he actually shouted "All I wanted to do was make music!"
All I've ever wanted to do was write. I have distinct memories of writing being my hobby as a child. In high school, I carried multiple notebooks which had nothing to do with my classes but each contained a story I was working on. I wrote during the majority of my classes. I was pretty obsessive about it.
But, like that music store owner, everything changed when it became a job.
Of course, the change didn't happen overnight. It took years. But after years of doing what I loved, I stopped loving what I do. It's not that I don't love to write anymore, I just don't get to write what I love. In the same way that that musician had no time to actually play music because he was too busy with the store, I have no time to write fiction because I'm too busy writing commercially.
So here's the question: Is it possible to really do what you love? Yes. But not in the way you might think. That phrase implies that you'll doggedly chase down your dreams, whatever they may be, and refuse all other career opportunities. Which simply isn't possible or realistic. Sorry, it's just not.
And even if you eventually achieve that goal, you may eventually get the passion squeezed out of you. Because that's what happens. In order for something to be profitable, it has to be a business. And business is hard. For instance, when I was a child dreaming about publishing a novel, do you think I thought about the pain and stress of pitching to publishing houses? Or dealing with deadlines? Of course not. Just like how that musician didn't think about what it would take to run a successful store, he only thought about being surrounded by music.
But there's hope: Learn to love what you do. This is a far more useful goal because it's fully transferable from job to job. So look for good in whatever job you have at the moment that pays the bills. Recently, I have been spending less time writing non-fiction and more time washing windows. It's not what I had planned but the weather's been beautiful and it's a nice break from wrestling with editors. It also allows me to focus on writing my fiction series (A House Divided).
The key is to recognize when you start dreading what you do. You may need a short break so that you can forget all the things about it that drive you nuts.
